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Adoption testimony

2012-01-29T20:02:00.001-08:00

I decided to write out our whole adoption testimony the other day, since I was requested to anyway by one of the organizations we are trying to obtain an adoption loan through. Since it's quite a long story, and some of you may have only heard bits and pieces, I thought it worthwhile to share on my blog. Many of you know that I'm not one to keep things hidden. I often share all of myself with others, no holding back. So I'm actually quite comfortable sharing my personal journal entries and thoughts. I feel like it serves as an additional opportunity for God to be glorified through our testimony. He is, after all, amazing! Here's what I wrote (beware of the length!):

January 22, 2012

Our adoption testimony is incredible to us. God has been in this process for us, step by step from the beginning. It began for us back in June of 2010, when we were in Haiti on our second missions trip there, leading a team of people from our church. I was playing with some orphans one afternoon, and God spoke to my heart very fervently in that moment. He told me that we were going to adopt from Haiti, and that the time is ‘now’. I prayed, “God, I don’t want to talk to my husband about this and put any ideas into his head. I want you to sovereignly speak to him this week without my intervention, and then we will know this is you speaking to us.” I also said, “And where would we even start in this process, Lord? This is such a corrupt country…there is child trafficking and unethical adoptions taking place. We don’t know who to trust! Where would we even begin??” Within one hour of the Lord’s and my conversation, I was speaking to a fellow American woman, a board member of the mission organization we were working with that week. The topic of adoption came up, and she said to me, “By the way, if you ever decide to adopt from Haiti, here’s the name of the woman you need to use! She’s the most trustworthy adoption connection in Haiti.” I knew the Lord was speaking to me in that moment, calming my fears and answering my questions.

At the airport at the end of the week, on our way home, I asked my husband, “Did God speak to you or show you anything significant this week while we were here?” He broke down weeping and confessed that he felt we should adopt from Haiti! You wouldn’t know this, but being his wife, I do: Aaron is very non-emotional, never cries, and rarely feels impressed with anything of significance, one way or the other. He doesn’t have many strong opinions, and his answer to my often passionate ideas is usually, “Just wait…you’ll eventually cool down and change your mind.” He is Mr. Steady, through and through. I’m thankful for this, but sometimes I get frustrated that my ideas never fly. This is why I knew God had to speak to him separately…for me to hear Him would not be enough. He needed to have his own revelation. Thus, God answered another prayer for me…we were now both feeling from God that we should adopt from Haiti! We both returned home with new vigor for what lay ahead!

I looked up the name that Linda Neal had given me. When I perused Barbara Walker’s website (www.reachouttohaiti.com), I realized with sad disappointment that she apparently was no longer doing U.S. adoptions. I contacted her anyway through her email link off the website, and waited a few months. I felt hopeless, like she must not have any intention of doing a U.S. adoption like her website stated. One day however, I felt the Lord prompt me to contact her again. As I viewed her website again, I noticed a contact number for her at the bottom of the site that I had not noticed before. I called the New York number and ended up speaking with her daughter Colleen for an hour and a half. She informed me that since we are not residents of the state of New York, an adoption through Barbara is not out of the question. Yes, we are considered terrible applicants due to the fact that we have not been married ten years, we have biological children and too many at that, and neither of us is yet 35. But, she said, it may still be possible if we can get a presidential waiver. I told her that we felt absolutely certain that God spoke to us about adopting from Haiti and that we are supposed to use her mother to facilitate our adoption. She agreed to pass along our information to her. This is how our communication with Barbara Walker began.

About $3,000 later, and after months of completing a home study, psychological evaluations, financial reports, medical exams, translations, Haitian embassy stamping, etc., our dossier was finally complete. But we were informed by Barbara to wait to send her our paperwork due to the fact that the new president was being elected, the country was in political turmoil and adoptions would not be proceeding until the dust settled. Finally, we were able to send our dossier to Haiti in October 2011. After multiple trips to the FedEx in Port au Prince, Barbara was finally able to discern that the employees were lying to her about our dossier not being there, when the tracking number clearly stated is was there waiting for pickup. We don’t know why they refused to turn the package over to her until she threatened to get them in trouble with their supervisor. To lose this package would have meant seemingly endless months of expensive documents being redone. Our prayer chain interceded faithfully until the documents were found! What a relief!

The next step was to choose the children we wanted to adopt. Barbara asked what age/gender we wanted. We told her we didn’t know, that we simply wanted whatever children God had in mind for our family. She then sent us a list of pictures and names, along with birth certificates and lab reports of available children she had at her orphanage. I tried to print all the children’s information off, but my printer would only allow the first child’s information to come through with his picture, that of Davidson. I told my husband, “How are we supposed to say ‘yes’ to some of these precious faces, and ‘no’ to the rest?” Aaron mentioned off-handedly, “Hey, whatever child we adopt….can we rename them ‘Anderson’?“ I said, “Anderson? Why??“ He said, “I don’t know…I just really like the name Anderson…and I’d like another ‘A’ name for our family.“ I said, “Well, I really don’t like the idea of changing their name(s), but let’s just cross that bridge when we come to it.“ We considered taking a trip to choose the children in person, but didn’t feel we could sacrifice the time away from our four young children, one a nursing newborn. We agreed that we should pray for something specific as a sign from the Lord to help us choose the right children, as some of our adoptive community friends had advised us to do. Aaron wanted to pray that within the week, we would run across people that bear the same names as the children we were meant to adopt. This was a tall order, especially since most of the names were highly unusual! We prayed this on Monday night, the day after receiving the names and pictures.

On Friday morning, I was speaking to a friend of a friend on the phone about her adoption journey. My friend had tried to connect us, so we could hear her friend’s story and she could hopefully provide some encouragement and wisdom for us in our journey. She began talking about her biological kids and said, “And then my son, Anderson…”. I can’t quite describe it, but I instantly knew in my heart that Anderson is a Haitian name, and that one of the children we were meant to adopt would be named ‘Anderson’! At the same time, I saw in my mind’s eye the face of the little boy named Davidson who came through on my printer, and felt convinced he was Anderson! This doesn’t make any sense, because I had all those names and faces memorized and knew each child by name. But I was somehow totally convinced it was the same child, and at the same time knew that his middle name would be ‘David’. Anderson David. I excused myself from the call and called Aaron to say, “God just spoke to me! It’s Anderson! From the list!” He told me to email him his picture. I went to the list of orphans in my computer and almost broke down crying when I didn’t see an ‘Anderson’ anywhere on the list! I felt bewildered at my mistake…yet how could I feel so certain that God had just spoken to me?

Aaron told me to continue praying and just wait on the Lord. We would regroup later. That night, as we headed to Iowa to see family, Aaron turned to me and said the following: I’ve been waiting all week to make sure this is the Lord speaking, but I feel certain now so I’m going to tell you. A week ago, when we first received the children’s names, I felt in my heart that the child we are meant to adopt is named ‘Anderson’. And I feel like his middle name should be ‘David’. Just then, I remembered what Aaron had said on Sunday, that whatever child we adopted he wanted to rename Anderson! I had forgotten all about this, but now realized that God already spoken to him back on Sunday! So here I ran across the name Anderson on my phone call with that lady, knew in my heart his middle name was David, didn’t realize God had already given that name to Aaron with the same middle name! But there was still a problem…there was no Anderson on the orphan list.

We decided to pray for two more days, and on Sunday afternoon we emailed Barbara to ask if by chance she had an ‘Anderson’ at the orphanage. Aaron also said that he didn’t feel it was coincidental that I saw Davidson’s face in my mind’s eye when I heard the name Anderson. He felt very strongly that we should adopt him and Anderson (if there was one). When I asked him why, he said, “I don’t know. I just know we are supposed to.“ I agreed, so he emailed Barbara. She replied back, saying ‘yes’, that there is a baby named Anderson! We were ecstatic to hear this news, because we immediately knew this child would be ours! We told her that we would take both boys and that God has supernaturally spoken to us that these boys are to be our children.

Weeks went by and the only confirmation we received from Barbara was that we could adopt Davidson. He was ready on paper, but Anderson had not come back to the orphanage. Many of the parents are instructed to keep their children until a space opens for them at the orphanage and the children’s paperwork is completed. This way, Barbara isn’t left with a child who isn’t paper-work ready and a parent who never returns to finish the process. So there is a guarantee that they’ll come back and their child will not be taken until they have completed the requirements. Barbara told us that since Anderson’s mom had not brought him back to her orphanage, we should either choose a second child who is paperwork-ready, or just adopt Davidson. We told her that we would adopt Davidson, then apply later for Anderson when he comes back. Miraculously, before Barbara had a chance to submit our papers, Anderson showed up again! She asked if we still wanted him, and of course, we said “yes!” She indicated we would have to wait longer, until Anderson’s paperwork is done before we can send in everything to the Haitian government. And then more big news: Anderson was only two months old! He was born October 5th, 2011, the very same week that the Lord spoke his name to us!
I had always said that at some point I would like twin boys, and one of the names I wanted to be Asah. When our biological son Asah was born July 29th, 2011, and we knew his name was to be Asah, I thought, “Oh well…so much for the twins.” I had no idea that the Lord had prepared a near twin to my baby in another country by a different mama, but only two months younger than Asah! I now call them my chocolate and vanilla babies.

Meanwhile, I was still feeling a bit uncertain about adopting Davidson, since I was going off Aaron’s gut instinct about him at that point. I was starting to make baby blankets for both boys with photos of our family sewn into them. I prayed on my way out the door to JoAnn fabrics, “God, I would really appreciate a confirmation about Davidson. I heard you speak to me about Anderson, but I’m just going off my husband’s feeling right now concerning Davidson.” As I was standing at the cutting counter, the woman who was assisting me glanced down at my small 5x7’’ piece of yellow paper with my quilt sketch scribbled on it. At the top of the sketch, I had written “Davidson Joseph”, which was to be sewn into his quilt. She glanced across at my paper, and exclaimed, “Hey, that’s my name!” I said, “What?” She said, “Davidson! That’s my name!” I stood there confused for a moment, then quickly realized that God was giving me the confirmation I had asked for. I said, “Davidson is your name??” She said, “Well, not my first name. It’s my last name. But that is my name!” I asked her if she wanted to hear a crazy story, and proceeded to share with her why this was so significant. Her eyes filled with tears and she added something about how she normally wouldn’t be able to see at that distance, but her eyes somehow saw only that name on my paper! I returned home with another great story to tell of another answered prayer.

We decided it was time to go meet our new boys. We made plans to go to Haiti January 12-16, 2012. When we first landed eyes on Davidson and the translator explained to him that we were his new Mommy and Papa, he looked rather surprised and immediately raised his arms to me. That began four days of not letting go. He was transferred to Aaron, then back to me, then back to him, and back to me. He wanted to be held by us the entire time we were in Haiti. He slept with us, ate with us, and played with us. He woke up the second morning calling Aaron, “Daddy”, although we have no idea where he learned the American term for papa. We were careful not to pay much attention to other children at the orphanage so Davidson would understand we were there for him. We savored and enjoyed every moment with our big boy. We quickly learned that he loves anything having to do with food or drink, so we used this as a bonding tool. He may have gained a few unnecessary pounds, but he also gained lots of love!

We were surprised that Anderson was not at the orphanage. Upon arrival, Barbara told us that he would come with his mother the next day and we could keep him for the weekend. Eager to meet both he and his mother, we waited until the following morning. Early the next morning, Aaron shouted to me, “Anderson is here!” I came outside as quickly as I could, dying to get a look at my new baby boy I had not seen any pictures of! I was shocked when I saw his mama carrying a wee baby, so small he looked like a newborn baby, not a three-month old. I quickly saw how malnourished he was, so small and frail I was immediately afraid for his health. He looked dehydrated and emaciated, and very still. After introducing him to our family on video, I began to cry at God’s goodness. It suddenly hit me that Aaron and I stood side by side, gazing back and forth at our two new boys, in total wonder and acceptance of God’s perfect planning. Total peace, total love…no prejudice, no judgment, no disappointment. Only thanksgiving and rejoicing, and overwhelming love for our boys. In that moment, I experienced the fullness of what it means to be adopted into God’s family. Color-blind, all-encompassing love. As I gazed back and forth at them, I saw two boys, beautiful as a quiet midnight with white sparkling stars for eyes. How could I feel they are mine as much as my own biological children are mine? I then realized this is a love only available through the Holy Spirit….a love so many never allow themselves to feel. I reveled in the beauty of it. My sons are mine. Our sons are ours. I smiled adoringly in my husband’s eyes and he in mine, grateful to be One in this moment.

Anderson began to open his mouth in the direction of my chest, somehow sensing available nourishment. I asked his mom if she wanted to feed him, and she half-heartedly resigned herself to the task. Poor, exhausted soul…so worn out, hungry, tired. Four other children waiting at home. Eager to find a new home for this one. After feeding him on one side, he was clearly still hungry. My heart yearned to meet his every need, knowing all too well I had plenty for him, so I asked if I could feed him some more. She agreed with an understanding smile, and I began nursing my son. Black on white, we made a good pair, the two of us. Like coffee and cream. He began reviving, and became content. He looked at me and smiled. Then he cooed. We shared a special moment while his mother looked on with a wistful smile on her face. She seemed content that he was in my arms and we were both happy. After eating a meal we provided for her, she leaned over her knees and fell asleep. I sat there with my baby, adoring him for hours while we waited for Barbara to return from errands to complete the mother’s paperwork.

Leaving our boys was a challenge. We wanted to bring them home, but it’s not yet possible. God’s grace is enough though. He made a space suddenly available for Anderson the day he arrived, when the day before there was not yet a space. He orchestrated the living arrangements to be better than we had hoped. Both of our boys together, under one roof, with our favorite foster mama available at the orphanage. Away from the commotion of visiting missions teams, in a quiet setting where they both receive individualized care and attention. They live in a quiet settlement of three one-room foster homes, with one bathroom shared between all, a small well, and a little swingset. Mimose, their caregiver, is sweet, understanding, and kind. She will take good care of them until they can come home. God is so good to us.

This is the majority of our journey up until now. I’m sure there will be more to tell later! Thanks for listening.

First trip to meet our boys!

2012-01-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

Aaron and I arrived back from Haiti Tuesday, January 17th. We were so exhausted from our trip, especially the part about sleeping overnight on the floor of the Ft. Lauderdale airport on our way home! Each time I go to Haiti, I make new notes about things not to forget the next time around: warm, large, thin blanket that doesn't take up too much room in my suitcase (for airport sleeping), hand sanitizer, small water purifier, flip-flops or water shoes (for
showers), bandannas and hair clips, snacks that I'll actually feel like eating, lots of dollar bills (for tips and small purchases), washcloths. Overall though, we packed pretty well this time.

I want to share my journal entry I wrote on our trip home. Although it doesn't capture everything we experienced, it gives a taste of what it was like:

"We're in the airport in Haiti, on our 3rd trip here, waiting to return to the U.S. It was very difficult to say goodbye to Davidson and Anderson. 'Bubba', as we call him, cried hard when we left him on Mimose's front steps. He grew so attached to us while we were there, wanting to be held nearly the entire time. He spontaneously began to call Aaron "Daddy" on our 2nd morning with him. We never taught him this word...he must have picked it up either from Aaron's voice in the Elmo book he recorded in for Bubba, or from hearing other kids call their U.S. parents that. We had continually referred to Aaron as Papa, but Bubba prefers 'Daddy'.

He is certainly a big boy! Any time he is upset, food always seems to calm him. Mimose thinks any time he cries he is hungry. So this is what he's been used to. We will have to retrain his eating habits when he comes home by monitoring his portions and not always rewarding him with food. Aaron and I feel so incredibly blessed that the boys have the very best caregiver possible. She is so full of love and compassion and is truly attentive to the children. We gave her some baby clothes for Anderson to grow into, a bottle, formula, diapers, a soft book toy, lotion and baby wash, lots of clothes for Davidson, a Curious George backpack full of crayons, a coloring book, a sticker book, photo album, and two personalized audio books. He also has a stuffed giraffe and a baby blanket I made for him with pictures of us all on it. So the boys have lots to remember us by. I'm making a list of things to bring next time I go, for both boys and Mimose. Aaron doesn't think he can take time off work, but I plan to take at least 1-2 more trips before our adoption is finalized (hopefully early Fall 2012).

We already miss our boys so much! They already feel like part of our family. I didn't expect to feel this attached so soon. I think I emotionally prepared myself to have low expectations before meeting them so I wouldn't be disappointed. I am very pleasantly surprised at my feelings. I feel great that we accomplished what we set out to do by going to Haiti this trip: begin the bonding process with both boys.

Little Anderson is just the most precious thing! His eyes are so full of expression and already seem to be filled with joy! He looks at me with his huge, sparkly eyes, and just adores me and coos to his Mama. I enjoy him so much. From the time he arrived with his mom on Friday, January 13th, he has revived so much. He was so spindly and weak when he first came, and dehydrated. I can tell his skin is filling in with some soft fat underneath the surface, and his ribs aren't quite as apparent. He does cry the biggest tears though! His lower lip comes out so far before he begins to wail, and he lets out these adorable little gasps with hiccups when I try to comfort him. What a sweetie. he loved being held in the gray sling I made for him out of a sheet, and also being held in a carrier I brought for him and gave to Mimose. Hopefully she'll make good use out of it as she goes about her day."

Meeting the boys

2011-12-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

We will be traveling to Haiti January 12-16th to meet our new boys. We just bought our plane tickets and we can't wait! Barbara informed us that they will both be there at the orphanage, so we can begin the bonding process with them. I'm adamant that we get our first meeting with them on video, so I'm hoping to post that eventually, if my more technologically-saavy husband will help me load it. Abram saw Davidson's new picture the other day, with him looking rather sad in a Santa hat by a Christmas tree. He said, "Davidson's sad, Mommy! He needs a toy so he can be happy." I said, "What toy do you think Davidson should have, Abram?" "A giraffe! He needs a giraffe." So as I was checking out at Hobby Lobby shortly after this conversation, I spotted a very soft plush giraffe sitting on one of those shelves in the checkout aisle. With a 40% off coupon, I only spent $6 on this darling toy for Davidson. Abram was so pleased when I showed him!

I have a lot of sewing work left to do on the boys homemade baby blankets before we go. I think it will have to wait until after Christmas though. We have fifteen people coming to stay for a week on Sunday after we get back from spending time with family in Iowa. Merry Christmas to you all! May your days be filled with joy and laughter!

Amazing, amazing, amazing!!!

2011-11-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

The other day I was emailing back and forth with Barbara in Haiti. She told us sad news, that baby Anderson had not come back to the orphanage. I guess it was the sort of situation where his mom brought him in to be adopted, was probably encouraged to continue caring for him but make periodic trips back to the orphanage to gradually complete the paperwork process for him. It's the sort of thing that can't be completed in a day, but in a series of events involving doctor's physicals, lab reports, pyschological evaluations, birth certificates, etc. All we knew about the little guy is that he's a baby, and then never heard anything else until Barbara mentioned to us a couple days ago that he hadn't come back. She wanted to know if we would like to just go ahead and file our paperwork for Davidson since he's all ready on paperwork, or if we wanted to add another second child who is ready on paperwork. We told her that God told us that the 'other child' is to be Anderson, and we will proceed with Davidson alone and when Anderson comes back (because we knew in our hearts he would), we would have to file for him separately (which could have extended our adoption process much longer).

So I'm at my brother's house in Kentucky for Thanksgiving right now, and I lethargically check my email before heading off to bed after hours of card games with my cousins. I gasp in shock as I read another email from Barbara stating that "Anderson is back!" She asked us if we want to go into IBESR now, which is the Haitian paperwork process (with a VERY long wait) or if we want to wait until Anderson is paperwork-ready along with Davidson and adopt them both together. She also said that he was born October 5th, 2011, so he's not even two months old!! He's even younger than our little Asah (4 months)! We were shocked to hear this, because the Lord spoke to both Aaron and I about him the very week Anderson was born! Aaron heard God speak to him about an 'Anderson David' on October 2nd, and I heard God speak to me about an 'Anderson David' on October 7th. Our precious guy was a forethought and an afterthought. God knew him before the foundations of the earth, in his mother's womb, and had a specific plan to set immediately in place for him after his birth. What a miracle!

Just the other day, when I felt sad to hear he had not come back to the orphanage, this all happened while I was making homemade baby blankets for both boys. I was ironing on pictures of our family for them to familiarize themselves with our faces, and I told my mom, "Even though Anderson isn't even considered a possibility for us in the natural right now, God has set him apart for us...so I will continue to make his blanket in faith that he will come back to the orphanage soon. After all, God has said that he is ours!!" Mom agreed with me, and I proceeded happily with my sewing, knowing in my heart it would just be a matter of time before both boys come home to us.

What a testimony, once again, of God's faithfulness and all-knowingness! He had this all planned out day by day, with not one wasted moment. Just this week, Barbara was going to put our paperwork into IBESR, and just in time, we are able to include our other son so he doesn't have to wait longer than necessary to come home to us.

Thank you Jesus, for the best Thanksgiving ever! I'm so thankful for my boys! And all my children whom you have marvelous plans for!

Davidson Joseph

2011-11-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

Here is our precious Davidson! We were thrilled today to check the mail and realize Barbara had sent us some pictures of him! He was born on Valentine's Day, 2010. So he's about 21 months right now. The picture of him with no shirt on and the red cooler in the background was taken just a month ago. We're so excited to meet him in person. I'm working right now on making sewing baby blankets for both he and Anderson, whom we have yet to receive information on. Our hope is to bring the blankets when we visit them this winter sometime. Abram looked at a picture of Davidson tonight and said, "He can walk!!" I guess he was expecting a baby. He wanted to walk around with one of his pictures while he talked to Davidson in a sweet, older brother voice. So sweet!

Something really neat happened the other day at JoAnn Fabrics. That very day, I had told the Lord, "God, I would really appreciate a confirmation about Davidson. I know Aaron felt so strongly we are to adopt him, but you have yet to speak this to me in a clear way. I've just been trusting that he heard from you on this."

So a lady was cutting my fabric at the counter, helping me with all my calculations for the boys' blankets. I had a little notepad in front of me with a penciled layout of Davidson's blanket. At the top of my blanket sketch, I had written 'Davidson Joseph' in small print. As I was talking to her, she glanced down at my paper and said, "Hey, that's my name!" I said, "What? What do you mean?" She said, "Davidson! That's my name!" I said, "Davidson is your name??" She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, not my first name, but Davidson is my last name! But that is my name!"

Now, for those of you who are wondering why this is significant, check out what I wrote a few blogs down about the confirmation Aaron and I prayed together for regarding the boys. We had run across an 'Anderson', but still hadn't met a 'Davidson'! The Lord clearly spoke to me in that moment, and I simply knew this was Him giving me the confirmation I had asked for. I said to the lady, "So do you want to hear a crazy story?" She said "Sure!", so I told her about our adoption and what we had prayed. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized she was playing a role in all this and God had spoken to us through her. She then mentioned something about how her eyes just happened to see just those words on the page, and told me something about her glasses and how she normally wouldn't have seen that on my paper. God speaks in mysterious ways, even over fabric-cutting! Praise Him!

Dossier Drama

2011-10-15T19:43:00.001-07:00

Wow, what a frustrating few days! After my last exhilarating blog entry, we plummeted downward with one of Satan's attempts to throw our adoption off-track. But God, the faithful One that He is, brought us out of that valley and into His glorious light once more. Here's what happened:

Barbara Walker emailed me, telling me that she'd been to FedEx in Port au Prince multiple times trying to pick up our dossier. They kept telling her that the package was not there, nor did the tracking number exist. I immediately went online to track our package. I thought it had arrived a week and a half before and figured she had gotten it already!

The next two days we waited while Barbara continued attempts to find our dossier. I contacted FedEx multiple times and a trace agent was working on finding our box.

Finally, yesterday (October 15th), after notifying numerous people to pray for God's intervention and after spending much time in prayer ourselves, Barbara emailed me saying she finally got the package after being rude to the workers and calling the director. Why they were telling her it wasn't there the whole time and refusing to give it to her is beyond me. But God was so good to provide this necessary breakthrough in getting our costly and highly important papers to Barbara. Praise God!

And she emailed us today about our little Davidson! Only, it sounds like he's not so little! She says they call him "Bubba" because "he's so, so big!" We're supposed to get a picture they took of him yesterday soon. I'll post it when we have it. We can't wait to see and meet our little/big 'Bubba'!

We're still waiting to hear news on Anderson. I'll post that, too, as soon as I hear something. That's all for now!

Called by God

2011-10-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

'Davidson Joseph' : Beloved son of David, an asset supported by Jehovah.

'Anderson David' : Beloved boy.

'Nieuwsma' : New man.

Just the other day, Aaron's dad and stepmom were telling us that they were hoping one of their future grandsons would be named 'David' after him. Little did we know, God Himself had already named two of their grandsons after him!

Several months back, I told Aaron that I have a very strong feeling that God has hand-picked the children we are to adopt, and that we are to raise them up to know and love the Lord, equipped with the armor of God and an excellent education in order that we might bring them back to their homeland to become part of Haiti's future. I feel strongly that they will one day become very influential leaders in Haiti. I believe this is why God has selected our family to raise these boys....because God knows we will return to Haiti. Our goal is not to raise these boys to become 'Americanized'. We will be raising them with the purpose God has placed on them, as we do with all our children, keeping their future calling in mind.

These boys were called out to be loved, to be supported by Almighty God, and raised in Him. Bring them home to us, Lord! We'll be waiting and ready.

And God speaks!

2011-10-10T20:01:00.001-07:00

Okay, so we laid out our fleece before the Lord. Here's the confirmation that we asked for last week. Ready? It was Aaron's idea. We prayed together and asked the Lord to bring specific people into our lives last week that bear the names of the children we are supposed to adopt. We were given names and pictures from Barbara Walker (the woman facilitating our Haiti adoption) of children around the ages of one to three who are available for adoption. There were about seven on the list. We had each face and name memorized after pouring over them many times together. So we went into our prayer knowing the name of each child she sent us. This is the first time Aaron and I together as a couple have prayed for a very specific confirmation from the Lord. We were stepping out into unknown territory!

The day we received the profiles was Sunday. I had just shown Aaron the pictures of the children, and he said something that surprised me. "So if we adopt a little boy, are we going to rename him 'Anderson'?" I sat confused for a moment, then said, "Why Anderson?" He said, "Well, I really want another 'A' name for our family. And I really like the name 'Anderson'." I said, "Well, I guess we can talk about it when we figure out who we're going to adopt. But I really hate the idea of changing a child's name. I hope we can keep whatever name they were given at birth." So we tabled the discussion until later, and I completely forgot we even had it.

We waited from Monday until Friday. My friend Eunice gave me the name and number of a friend of her's named Gillian. Gillian's family has adopted two children from Ethopia in addition to having four biological children. I called her Friday morning and received much encouragement and wisdom. During our conversation, she began to tell me something about one of her kids. All I remember her saying is, "And then my son, Anderson..." I instantly felt that the Lord was speaking to me. I can't quite explain it, but I knew immediately that Anderson is a Haitian name and that the Lord gave me our confirmation in that very moment (although I have never even heard the name Anderson while in Haiti). I was 100% convinced that Anderson was on that list of adoptable children and in my mind's eye I saw the face of a little boy named 'Davidson' who really is on the list and thought that his name was Anderson! I thought this was the little boy who the Lord was speaking to me about.

I excused myself politely from the phone call, telling Gillian that the Lord just gave me the confirmation I was waiting for about our adoption and that I needed to go call my husband! She was very understanding and excited for us. When I called Aaron to tell him, he said, "Email me his picture." Throughout the week, we had been asking one another each day whether we ran across any new names that were on our list. This was the first time all week we finally had something! I went to my computer to find Anderson's picture, and almost broke into tears when I realized he wasn't even on our list of children.

I asked Aaron if this could possibly mean that there really is an Anderson at the orphanage, and that he is new enough that Barbara didn't send me any information on him. Or perhaps he wasn't within our age bracket, so she didn't bother sending us his profile? He very calmly told me that we needed to wait until the end of the week, in case the Lord wanted to speak to us further. In the meantime, I truly felt with all my heart that a little boy named 'Anderson David' was waiting for us. Yes, I even felt I somehow knew his middle name.

We packed up for a short weekend trip to Iowa and left Friday night around 9pm. I was waiting for Aaron to bring the subject up in the car so we could decide the next step for our adoption. He finally did, and I was floored by what he had to say.... He told me that on Sunday when we first received the profiles of the children, he felt like the Lord really impressed a name on his heart for our child: 'Anderson David'. He had been thinking on this name all week, but after much prayer he decided it was actually the Lord speaking to him. What amazement and happiness we both felt in that moment! To have God speak to us both individually about the same exact name and come together in unity by the Holy Spirit, it was astounding to us! Great is His faithfulness!

Our next step was to wait through Saturday to finish out the week in case God wanted to speak to us further about our adoption. We felt nothing more, so Aaron emailed Barbara on Sunday afternoon. Aaron told me before emailing Barbara that he really felt we should try to adopt Davidson. He didn't think it was coincidental that I saw his face in my mind's eye when the Lord spoke the name 'Anderson' to me. He thought it was possible that there might not be an Anderson at the orphanage, and perhaps we are supposed to adopt Davidson and change his name to Anderson. "But," he said, "if there is an Anderson, then I want to adopt them both." I agreed, and he emailed Barbara telling her that after much prayer, we feel led to adopt Davidson, and we also felt we should ask if there is also an 'Anderson' who is waiting to be adopted.

Around 5pm Sunday, we received an email back from Barbara, telling us that there is an Anderson, and that he's just a baby! Praise the Lord for his all-knowing greatness! We were sooooo excited to hear this news about our new precious baby boy Anderson! We know nothing about him, other than the fact that he's a baby boy and that he's waiting to be adopted. Barbara made no reference to Davidson, so we are still waiting to hear about him, too....if he is still waiting to be matched with a family. We wrote back, asking for information and pictures of little Anderson. And we're still waiting for what feels like a VERY LONG TIME, although it's only been a day! I will, of course, post pictures of both boys as soon as we have them and receive confirmation from Barbara that we can adopt them both.

I was thinking through the week about details regarding Davidson. It's possibly more than coincidental that he was the very first precious face we saw among all the children's pictures and that when I tried to print information on each child, his was the only one my printer would print out! It ran out of ink as soon as all his pages came through the printer. And then it stopped and I was unable to print any more that day.

I called Mom today to let her know all that's transpired in the last few days. She began to cry, and then told me that yesterday as she was folding laundry on the couch, the Lord spoke to her about our adoption. He told her that she needs to be praying about the future of two little boys we're going to adopt and that one of them is a baby! The last time we had talked to her we informed her we were thinking of adopting one boy, a toddler. Okay, Lord, we'll take all the confirmations we can get! We're delighting in them!

I'm writing all this down for our two new little boys in faith, so that one day when they're old enough to read, they will realize that God ordained their lives and had a special purpose for them from the beginning. They will never doubt they are special and called forth by God Himself when they realize all he set in place for them from the beginning of time.

Lord, you are so good.

Adoption update

2011-10-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

Wow, I'm posting two days in a row! Hooray! I realized I need to write an update on a very important part of our lives right now: our adoption. As of this week, we have just received several pictures of kids in our inbox whom we are being encouraged to choose from. This is no easy task, for how do you say 'yes' to one precious face and 'no' to another? Aaron and I have been open to adopting either one or two children from Haiti. We assumed that if we adopted two, it would be because they were siblings, and our sincere hope was to find a situation like this. However, our choices through the orphanage we are going through appear to be a bit more limited than we had hoped, so finding young siblings (we had asked for three and under) is not possible as of now. One little face is that of an adorable one and a half year-old boy. It's hard to know if it's the Lord drawing us to look at his picture over and over again or the fact that he's so stinking cute!

Monday I spoke with another mom who has adopted children internationally. She encouraged me to ask for something specific from the Lord as a confirmation in choosing the child. Aaron and I talked that night and he and I agreed that's what we would do. He chose which confirmation he wanted from the Lord, and we prayed it would be answered this week. So we are fully anticipating that God will be speaking to us this week and are both very excited! I'll post again when the Lord reveals the child or children to us.

Morning grubbies

2011-10-04T06:53:00.001-07:00

Okay, this is very embarrassing that I haven't been on my blog in over a year. Life races by with little stopping. I know, I know, I need to stop more often. But in my defense, it isn't easy keeping up with a constantly changing bunch of kids. I joke that every time I figure them out, they scheme a new way to keep me on my toes. I should be on a new show titled, "Are you smarter than a three-year-old?"

How can Abram be a combination of my greatest joy and my greatest frustration? He is a very temperamental boy, getting excited easily, laughing readily, angered quickly, screaming and crying loudly, talking incessantly, forgiving instantly. Let's put it this way...my day would be very quiet without him. But after thinking it through, would I ever want it that quiet? I don't think so! Smirking to myself and shrugging my shoulders, I realize I wouldn't trade him for the world.

So I'm supposed to be upstairs in our schoolroom with well-groomed and obedient children starting the school day, right? Well, here's the real picture. I'm sitting on the couch with a dirty finished plate of cinnamon toast, lounging in my pink bathrobe totally unkempt myself, badly needing a shower. The kids are upstairs listening to Josh Grobin's holiday cd (where they found the cd, I don't know) while they supposedly clean the bathroom and get ready for the day. Abram is running around in his pull-up with cinnamon and butter all over his face, getting into who-knows-what upstairs. Probably distracting the girls from getting their chores done. Oh that reminds me, I need to clean up the powder and 'Green Works' cleaning spray in the basement he spread all over the concrete floor and the carpet two days ago. Poor cat, I had to spray her down with water in the sink after he doused her with baby powder then sprayed her fur with 'Green Works'. She was a pasty mess!

So here's the real me, realizing I haven't blogged in forever, neglecting the children, and needing to go take a shower. Yes, I have trouble prioritizing. But on the bright side, at least I did my devotions this morning! I guess I'd better go make sure no more baby powder is being spread around upstairs, then go take my shower, then attempt to start our school day. Oh, I'd better think about when the baby next needs to eat, too. Oh well, I'll just take the day as it comes. Until next time!

House in the works!

2010-08-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well, this has certainly been a year of change. Bad change, good change, unexpected change. The most recent change is that it looks like we'll be moving in a couple of weeks! We have been trying to sell our house all summer, since we're needing more space to accommodate mom living with us, as well as the fact that Aaron and I are wanting to adopt in the not-too-distant future. Another reason is that I've been going totally crazy not having my own homeschooling space. The dining room table doesn't seem to be cutting it as I had hoped, because there's never room to eat!

We have been praying all summer for God to bring a buyer for our house and show us the right property to buy. A couple homes we thought were 'it' didn't quite work out. I had a long talk with God about a week and a half ago, venting to him that he either needs to provide answers in the form of a buyer and a house, or I'm done with this whole thing! With school starting up, it's definitely time to move on. I was sitting there with tears in my eyes, trying to recover from the news that a house I thought would be perfect suddenly was scooped up that morning. Adele said, "Mom, it's okay. You don't need to be upset. Sometimes we don't hear God speaking, but he's still there, always listening, and he knows what your heart wants. Just because you can't hear him doesn't mean he's not talking to you.....Mom, that house was supposed to be for someone else! But God knows the right house for you, and he'll show it to you. It's not in another state in America; it's still in Missouri. But God knows everything and he knows what's best!" All this was said very seriously, with lots of firm hugs in between sentences to comfort me. She is soooo sweet! It really did make me feel better though, because I felt like God was speaking to me through my daughter.

Right after this and some words of comfort from my mom, I sat down and poured out my heart in my journal. I vowed to God to stop searching for a home, and to start trusting. I thought I had been trusting all along, but I realized my heart was doing something quite different as I searched many hours a week on the internet, stressing over finding the right house. Not that house-hunting is bad, but I was obsessed with it. I told the Lord that I will begin trusting him to bring the right opportunity our way in His timing, not ours. And that I will try my best to be content in the meantime.

Just a few hours later, Mom received a call back from one of the houses we had called on two days before. I had picked a neighborhood I really loved, narrowed the houses down to the ones I thought would work for us, then Mom had called each realtor, asking if any owners would consider doing a trade for our home. We didn't receive any positive responses until the realtor on my favorite house replied back. He said that his seller would consider a trade, and if we liked his house (which is sitting vacant), then the realtor would come take a look at ours to see if we could work something out! Mom and I took the kids over there and as soon as we walked in the door, we fell in love with the house. It is absolutely perfect! In fact, it's more perfect than I could have planned myself! We knelt down on the carpet, and asked if God would please see fit to bless us with this house, because we couldn't imagine a greater blessing! The kids prayers were so cute: Adele's was very heartfelt and spiritual, Abram's was little mumbles with his hands squeezed tightly together and his eyes squinted shut, and Alayah's consisted of thanking God "for this day, for this food, for this house, for rainbows, and for marshmallows!" (although her list went on for about 5 minutes).

I went home and was nervous imagining Aaron's reaction when I would tell him about the house. I was pleasantly surprised when he was very open to the idea and was interested in writing an offer! I insisted that he see it first, so I took him by late that night, and he was sold on it as well! We went home and wrote a low offer, contingent on them buying our home for a certain price. We nervously waited three days for them to respond, and we knew full well that our offer was not good (but the best we could do), and we knew the house had only been on the market 6 days. They finally replied, asking for 10K more for their property, and when Aaron checked the rates, the points had dropped overnight, enough to make that extra 10K only mean a difference of $20 in our monthly payment! We were so surprised and excited that we could respond in agreement with the price. So we now have signed contracts, had the home inspection done on our house yesterday (we don't know the results yet), and are waiting for the appraisal. We are supposed to close in about 2 weeks, but the contract is contingent on these things going through on our house to meet the seller's approval. So it's not a done deal yet, but we are praying that all goes through smoothly.

And something else that's awesome is I just realized that our new house is very close to two of my good homeschooling friends! In fact, one of them is just four houses down on the same street! And what's even more awesome is her story: The other day she was taking a prayer walk with her boys, praying for all the houses on their street. They stopped in front of the house we are buying, prayed specifically for that house, and asked God to please bring a Christian homeschooling family to live there! When I called her shortly thereafter with the news that we would be moving to her street and I mentioned the house number, she was so excited! She said it's a wonderful testimony to her boys of how God answers our prayers. Isn't that neat?

We already have much of the house packed up in the garage. I'm pretty eager to know that this is actually happening and not going to fall apart or something. It's good practice to do what I promised the Lord I would do: trust Him!

Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and we celebrated by giving each of the kids a gift. Alayah received new play-dough toys, Abram got new Hot Wheels cars, and Adele got a 'skip-hop' toy. I'm not really sure what it's called, but that's what I'm calling it anyway. It didn't take her long to figure it out, and now she's a pro. I took a video of her today so you can see.

Aaron and I celebrated by eating at Outback steakhouse, which we will never again do on Valentine's Day. It was a very non-intimate setting, with tons of extra tables packed into an already full space. After a very loud meal, we attempted a 45-minute drive to see a Christian concert for "Down Here" in the area. We arrived just in time for a "Full to capacity" sign stamped on the door. There was nothing to do but turn around and drive back! So we ended up going to a movie called The Blind Side. It was terrific, and we would recommend it to all our friends. It was very emotionally-stirring, and one of those movies in which you leave feeling inspired. So our night turned out well after all, and it was nice to spend some time away from the kids, although we wouldn't trade them for anything! We hope you all had a Happy Valentine's Day, too!

Adele's cute word mix-ups

2010-01-30T13:01:00.000-08:00

"I want to watch a wo0bie!" (a movie)

"Mom, do you want help making coffies?" (copies on the printer)

When sorting out money, I asked her to identify and count the various coins. "Here Mom, here's five diamonds!" Haha! I wish!

It started snowing out yesterday after we had a big melt of earlier snow. She looked out the window and exclaimed, "Look, Alayah! It's winter again!" She thought it had gone and come back.

She told me the other day that sometimes Satan tempts her with her thoughts, just like he tempted Adam and Ebe in the garden!

When feeling inconvenienced by her schoolwork, she often gives us this long explanation: "Mom, my brain just isn't working right! You just don't understand...I can't think straight! I'm just not a thinker; it's been this way ever since I was boren (born)! I just don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'd better not do any work today." Such a valid excuse, don't you think? :)

Abram's new words

2010-01-28T17:32:00.001-08:00

"Get owww!" (Get out of the bathtub or highchair)
"Mumm, Mumm!" (Mom, Mom! He usually says this when he's running to tattle.)
"Aayah" (Alayah)
"No, no!"
"Eeese?" (please? He says this with his hands folded together under his chin - so cute!)
"Uh-oh!"
"Ball" (He loves playing with balls)
"Ah-done" (all done)
"Dell" (Adele)
"Come!" (usually when beckoning his sisters to come play)
"Gacka" (crackers)
"Gucka" (sucker, or lollipop)
"Dwink" (drink)

Learning never stops

2010-01-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm in such a state of learning right now. Learning about motherhood, how to teach little ones, how to keep a home in order in the midst of chaos, the physiology of the human body, Bible facts I thought I knew but really didn't, how to teach a class of 40 preschoolers effectively, how to grow a garden, how to lose weight and keep it off for good, how to rotate entertaining friends so they all know I care, how to lead a church-wide missions trip for the first time, the list goes on!

Sometimes I wonder if God really thinks I can handle all of this. I know my load isn't heavy compared to many people I know. But I can sense the stretching for sure! My prayer is that I can honor God by being a good steward of the responsibilities he's given me. "Not my will, but thine be done."

Mom's in school, too!

2010-01-28T16:56:00.000-08:00

In the past couple of weeks life has felt like a whirlwind. I'm taking a Human Physiology class, a prerequisite for nursing school, which I hope to get enrolled in next year. It's on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and our neighbor girl (who is homeschooled) has kindly offered to babysit for free for us (the kids are napping most of the time she's here). I'm trying to pack each morning full of homeschool, making the most of our time. My goal is to have our work completed by lunch time each day. It doesn't always happen, but it usually does. My physiology class is requiring so much extra study time, it's a relief Aaron's done with all his actuarial exams. Two parents studying would not make for a pleasant household! Overall, the kids and I are both finding homeschool to be a rewarding experience. Often I am asked if I will "do homeschool" with Adele and Alayah during our off-times, because they are both liking it so much. This is a far cry from how it was when we first started out! I am thankful.

In case you're wondering how we actually spend our school day, here's a synopsis. Our day begins with a short kids devotion, worship songs, and prayer. We've just transitioned to The Workbox System, which is a neat way to organize your school day with multiple children. So the girls begin by 'clocking in' to start their day. This simply consists of moving a bookmark into a 'start' pocket hanging on a wall and then when they're done with school, they move it into the 'finished' pocket. This is mostly for their own benefit, to help them remain in 'school mode' until they're done. Then they dig right in to their own workboxes (right now I use seven for Adele and four for Alayah), which are filled with various school activities (and everything they need to complete that activity) related to their personal skill level. They work through them in sequential order, and they're able to physically see how much work they have left to complete at any given point in the day. It's been great so far! I do the work ahead of time with the preparation and filling of boxes, so I'm not chasing around during school hours trying to figure out where I put the math book and scissors!

To be a princess, or not to be?

2009-11-17T12:41:00.000-08:00

We had a busy morning of school today. Our day was typical, beginning with our historical timeline, then reading Bob Books, and doing a math lesson. Adele made a pictograph today showing pictures of her favorite outdoor and indoor winter activities. Her drawings included making Christmas cookies, decorating the Christmas tree, having snowball fights, making snowmen, playing with her friends outside, etc. She drew really neat little sketches of each activity. We have yet to do geography today; she's working on memorizing the Asian Empire this week.

After I put the younger ones down for a nap, I noticed Adele sitting pensively on the couch. I asked her what she was doing, and she proceeded to tell me her thoughts on what she feels she should be when she grows up. I captured it on video. It's quite funny, especially how morose she is through the whole thing, like she's totally burdened with the responsibility of preparing for this future occupation! haha. She takes everything so seriously.

When Alayah wakes up, I will work on both of the girls' Awanas lessons with them for tonight. Aaron brings them each Tuesday, and he teaches Adele's kindergarten class. They get so excited about going each week.

Alayah has been walking around singing songs, some of which are now Christmas carols. She loves to sing "Jingle Bells", but instead sings, "Tinker-bell, Tinker-bell, Tinker all the way!" Let just say she and her favorite fairy are very close friends. :) It's so cute, maybe I'll just not correct her.

As of today, Abram can now say "tae-too" (thank you), "eese" (please), "uh-oh", "yeah!", "no-no", and "good!" (when he likes food). On a couple occasions, I've heard him say "Adele" and "Alayah", but for some strange reason he still can't say "Daddy" or "Mommy". Oh well! At least he's talking. He's such a little ham. His favorite food right now is cashews. He would eat them all day long if I let him. He is such a big boy, tracking very tall for his age and weighing so much he makes my arms cramp up after a few minutes. But I do love my blonde, curly-haired boy!

We just got back from Springfield Sunday night. We made the trip to attend Aaron's cousin Megan's wedding. We stayed with my cousin Sara and her husband Dan. They were super hospitable, as always, and we had a great time catching up. I have to admit I'm jealous that she and her sister Rebecca live only four houses from each other! What a great setup they have there. I had fun hanging out with both of them, even though our visit was short. I haven't decided if I'll miss the crazy canine circus though! haha.

Until next time.....

Happy Changes

2009-10-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

This post is sort-of a follow-up to my last posting, since I've noted some concerned reactions over Adele's response to homeschooling. You should know I typed my previous entry after a very difficult couple of weeks of trying to establish a schedule and working through emotional difficulties with Adele. I don't want to give the impression that Adele is suffering needlessly or that our effort to homeschool is failing. So I'm writing this on Friday night, after a full week of school, most of which occured after Monday, the day Adele had her meltdown. I feel it's important for you to hear the positive results that have occured this week after we had our good talk on Monday.

First of all, Tuesday morning she awoke in a happy mood. We had breakfast, did our family devotion, and began our lessons. She unexpectedly announced, "Mommy, I think I actually do like homeschool now!" I told her that I was glad she was starting to like school, and she initiated a long hug and gave me a warm smile. We flew through our lessons, accomplishing everything that had previously taken hours to complete in less than two hours. She felt proud she had worked so hard and earned so much extra play time for the day. And I'm happy to say the rest of the week has gone like this.

Some positive changes I have made include changing the way we do reading lessons. We no longer do our lessons out of the monotonous book I was using. We practice reading through new beginner's books I just bought Adele, and we review our sight words as we read. She already has a phonetic understanding of each letter, so it's just a matter of combining them at this point. Just this week, she has started to read books all by herself! Aaron and I are giving her tons of praise, and she beams proudly anytime we notice her achievements. Another change is I've started breaking up our lessons into more manageable chunks. We no longer sit at the table for such long periods of time. She does a short lesson or two (whatever she seems able to handle at the time), then she gets a break to play or do a fun craft. I used to be constantly suggesting new games or toys for her to play with, since she often whined about being bored. Now play time is exciting, something she really looks forward to. I've also started doing preschool worksheets with Alayah, and she gets so excited to have her own school time with Mommy. She is learning color, number, and letter recognition, and is practicing her counting. And Abram is finally starting to entertain himself during lesson time, which minimizes the interruptions (thank you, Lord!).

Homeschooling seems to be much about trial and error. You try one method, see if it works, and if it doesn't, you try something new. Already in a few weeks, I've tried several different things, and am pleased to say this is beginning to feel right. It feels right to be able to notice progress in my kids, to see them content and happy and at the same time accomplishing new things. I am proud of what my kids have already learned. It's refreshing to hear both of my daughters singing the 10 Commandments by memory, reciting the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World, the names of the Greek and Roman gods, and many other facts I myself am learning for the first time.

It's so strange that before I began homeschooling, I felt busier. Often I would go through my entire day, busy with an endless to-do list of chores and errands, only to realize at the end of my day that I didn't stop to cuddle with each of my children. I usually forgot to read them a book or just have a meaningful conversation with them. I'm realizing as this homeschool journey is beginning, that I have spent much more time with my children, have made the time to cuddle and read books with each of them, have laughed and played games with them, and have had several heart-to-hearts, mainly about how we can connect to God. And strangely enough, my house isn't that messy...I guess because I'm occupying them with school-related activities so much of the time. So it feels strange to be busier, yet have more time for my children.

I've had many intimate moments with God too. Even though these last few weeks have been difficult, I don't doubt God is pruning both me and the kids. I can tell this by the newfound connection I feel to Him, as well as to my children. God must have known when he first told me to homeschool (against my better judgment), that it would be along this narrow and not-so-traveled road that we would experience deeper communion with each other, and more importantly, to Him.

So I'm hopeful that this post will calm any concerned loved ones out there. You should know that we are doing just fine. I can't explain it, but even in the trials, there is an ever-present peace. It's all about knowing we are doing what God has called us to do, both through the choppy and the calm waters, surrenduring daily to His plan. The things he asks us to do are seldom easy, but I know he has our best interests at heart. Thanks to each of you for your love and support!

Homeschooling

2009-10-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

I began homeschooling about three weeks ago, and already it feels like God has changed me so much. Sometimes I wonder who will be impacted more by all this effort, me or my kids? When I initially began, I felt the need to be very rigid and structured, because I figured that was the only way I would survive this whole experience. I'm finding I don't have to be as structured as I thought, and I can get better results if I'm not.

Our first days in homeschooling went something like this. We would sit down for 'school lessons' a few times a day in the beginning, attempting to dedicate 30-45 minutes to each of the subjects of reading, math, and memory work. Each time I called her to the table to begin a new lesson, Adele would groan and plead for more play time. It was a constant battle, just getting her to the table and ready to begin. And each time we would begin, either Alayah or Abram would suddenly need something, then we would get back to the table, and then the other would need something. Adele would sit, rolling her eyes, thinking about the end of school time. She would often interject a comment completely off the subject, such as "Mommy, did you go to public school kindergarten? What was it like?" Or, "What do you think my friends are doing in kindergarten right now?" It made me so sad, to realize she had no desire to be learning at home. I battled with feelings of immediate failure and second-guessing my methods. At times, I felt like giving up and retreating somewhere quiet by myself. All these feelings were coupled with much prayer and pleading for God to give me more energy, patience, and creativity to make this experience a positive one for the whole family.

I am pleased to say that on Monday we experienced a spiritual breakthrough. We went to CC (Classical Conversations) which is our weekly co-op where we meet with about 30 other families to have school together. We returned home after a tiring morning of learning new memory work, and I proceeded to lay the kids down for a nap. For some reason I don't fully understand, Adele had a complete meltdown over a sippy cup. I don't mean your normal tantrum, I mean, complete and inexplicable hysteria with kicking and screaming. I didn't know what to do with her, since she was obviously tired. So I proceeded to leave her alone to cry it out. Immediately, she panicked, and cried, "Mommy, don't leave me! I want Mommy! I want Mommy!", over and over again. It was like she had reverted to two-year old behavior; her speaking was even that of a two-year old. I was very concerned by this and wasn't able to ignore it. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to go to her, so I did. I held her and rocked her, telling her I would never leave her and that I loved her so much. I told her how sweet she was to me, and reinforced in my own words everything I felt she needed to hear. She calmed down enough for me to stroke her back and cuddle up to her. When I tried to leave, she cried again, and I ended up giving her a doll to replace my presence. She seemed content with that and fell asleep. After she awoke, the strangest thing happened. It was as if our communication lines had been opened up. She initiated (for the first time) how she felt about school, and wanted to carry on a very adult-like conversation about learning. She told me she felt frustrated that she can't remember everything she wants to, which I then proceeded to tell her that every kid in her homeschool class feels the same way, since we're all learning the material for the first time. In fact, Mommy even feels the same way! Content with my response, she went on and asked me about how she can go to heaven. I'm not sure why she brought this up, but we talked about having a relationship with Christ and accepting what he did on the cross to take away our sins. We talked about how it's important to obey God's word and read the bible. She then said, "Mommy, I really want to read the bible. And I don't mean you reading to me. I need to read it myself, and no one can 'terrupt' me. Cuz when people read the bible, you're not supposed to 'terrupt' them." She continued to express how much she wants to know God and read what he tells us in his word. I sat there listening, amazed that God had put this desire in her little heart, without me forcing it upon her in any way. God himself was initiating a relationship with my daughter, trying to guide her into his truth by giving her a hunger for his word! Simply amazing! I had a hard time not crying as I rejoiced, realizing that all this time it was like pulling teeth to do reading lessons with Adele. In my hurried state, I hadn't even thought to tell her the single most important reason for us to learn reading: to read what God tells us in his word! I had tried other forms of motivation, including candy, reading fun kids books, reading to her brother and sister, playing games upon lesson completion, the list goes on. But to my delight, this week I discovered that Adele's motivation lies in something much greater: relationship with her creator.

Lord, in the moments when I'm too preoccupied and fleshly to notice the subtle hunger in my children for something greater than what I have to offer, please whisper in my ear the exact thing they are needing, the missing piece of the puzzle which will make learning seem worthwhile in their little hearts.

Cape Cod

2009-10-08T10:57:00.001-07:00

This September we took a wonderful vacation to Cape Cod, visiting Papa and Nana at their new cottage by the beach. The whole family enjoyed times of swimming, exploring the coast of Falmouth, and visiting with new friends and old. One highlight was spending five hours on a yacht with some new friends, the Alferez family. The day was picture-perfect, clear blue skies and breezy, about 75 degrees. The views of Martha's Vineyard were specacular. Quaint little cottages dotted along the waterline in soft blues, whites, and greys. I frequently saw sea birds flit to and from their nests atop wood stumps along the water's edge. They made their claim to the land obvious with their harsh calls, flying in possessive circles. We stopped the motor to fish a while. Each time we cast out the line we reeled back in with no activity, until Adele caught a sand shark! She was very skeptical of the creature, so she wouldn't stand too close for the camera. I couldn't blame her! It put up quite a fight until we threw it back in.

After we concluded our fishing trip, we went to a unique candle shop and watched the owner make a custom candle for Adele, allowing her to pick out each layer of color. As it began to cool from the hot wax dipping, the girl made slices into the layers with a knife, then molded them creatively with her fingers into beautiful twists and curls. It ended up looking like a butterfly on four sides, complete with sparkling gems. She now calls it her 'special candle' and insisted on sleeping with it the week after we returned.

During the first part of the week, we were blessed to spend time with my brother Justin and sister-in-law Angie. Our kids had a blast playing with their kids, and we made many special memories, many at the beach. We were diappointed they couldn't stay during the remainder of our trip and were sad when they had to go home.

It was also wonderful to see the new Remax office where Nana works as a realtor, as well as visit the church Papa is again pastoring, Heritage Christian Church. It was nice to hear him preach again, and there was a definite annointing as he passionately spoke on God's desire to fill his people with his spirit. The presence of God in the room was very strong and brought both Aaron and I to our knees. God's spirit is so real!

We totally love the place Mom and Dad have nestled into, a small cottage in a little ocean village adjoining some of the world's most beautiful harbors! It's fun to simply walk along the harbor, reading the names of the boats, names such as My Valentine. It's entertaining to watch the men care for their boats, spending hours polishing and waxing, mopping the decks, carrying the lines to and fro, and loading the fresh-caught fish. There's this neat bicycle rental shop next door to Mom and Dad's which rents family bikes complete with a surry over the top. The bikes are from Italy, so they look quite European. We rode one down to the beach with Dad, and the kids thought it was the best thing ever! I'm sure the girls will ask to do it again next summer. Dad and Mom's place is so charming; it's small but elegant in a relaxed sort of way. They already had it fixed up so cute after just a few days. I'm glad they are living in such a fun hustle-and bustle-type community. It suits them well.

Here's a few additional things the kids experienced: Adele made sandcastles in Nana and Papa's sandy backyard, she made best friends with Carissa, a member of the Alferez family, and she simply couldn't experience enough adventures to suit her. Alayah enjoyed the simpler things, such as eating juicy cantelope on Papa and Nana's deck, and she loved her times at the beach when she could sift sand between her toes and ponder each new piece of oceanlife she could find, like seashells, crabs, and pretty rocks. Abram finally started to walk around regularly while at the beach house. And his times at the beach were thrilling! He would have dived head-first into the waves if we weren't watching him closely. He loved the exhilarating splash on his face and exploring the sandy objects around his feet.

We are already looking forward to next summer, when we can visit the Cape again. This was such a fun and memorable trip for our whole family!

3 Musketeers Update

2009-07-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

Our summer has been packed full of activities! I'm learning how to juggle a big 'To-Do" list with making sure the kids stay occupied. The girls always insist on swimming in our new kiddie pool each day, usually after naps. It's pretty deep, so Adele has been practicing swimming underwater and learning to hold her breath. She loves the practice and showing off her new skills! Abram loves the pool too, although he has not developed a healthy sense of fear yet. Someone is always at his side to make sure his bravery doesn't get out of hand!

Abram's newest skill is climbing: we often find him at the top of stairs, on the kitchen table, standing on chairs, and sitting on couches. Most of these things he learned to do when no one was looking, so you can imagine our surprise, and "How did you get up there?!" comments from Aaron and I. He is also becoming a very picky eater, which we're trying to nip in the bud. Neither of our girls struggled with this much, so this is a new battle of the wills. Today I had to force-feed him a tasty casserole, prying his mouth open, and pinned his hands down so he couldn't take the food out of his mouth. He tried spitting it out, but he quickly figured out Mom doesn't tolerate that either. So he learned to chew through something he doesn't like, swallow, and received lots of praise. By the end he was opening his mouth willingly, then received yogurt for dessert, to which he responded with his big cheesy grin. Whew! Glad that's over. Only a few hours before I have to do it all over again. And he's still refusing to walk, that stubborn boy. I realize this could be a blessing in disguise. He gets into so much as it is! He's my opinionated, curious Bubby (that's what I call him).

Alayah is really showing a lot of changes these days. She speaks with much more clarity and expresses herself well. She has opinions, but is always willing to make someone else happy. She tries to be sensitive to other people around her, and likes to share. And her favorite person is still Adele! It brings me such pleasure to watch the blossoming relationship between two sisters; it's something I never had but always wanted. So the Lord's given me the desire of my heart by allowing me to witness the eternal bonds between my own little girls. Their affection for one another is so evident. I especially note it when Adele is in public, and has lots of friends around to play with; she always wants to makes sure Alayah is included among the older kids. Alayah tags along dependently, wanting to prove her worthiness to Adele more than anyone. It's truly precious.

One of Adele's new challenges is tree-climbing. She's insistent that she know how to climb trees well. She's so persistent that her her hands, feet, and knees become bright red. She told me yesterday that she wants to be like Zaccheus, since "He's a good tree-climber!" I immediately went inside to get my camera, so I'm including a little video I took of her climbing our tree.

Kids just bring such joy! I look at other couples who don't have children, and it's hard for me to remember what it was like. How did I ever fill up my day as I do now? Who was there to make me laugh all the time? How would I ever manage if something happened to any of my kids? I'm always reminding myself that they're really not mine and Aaron's, but on loan to us from God. Thank you Lord, for sprinkling down these sweet blessings on us!

Little Dragonfly

2009-06-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night Adele performed as a dragonfly in Sergei Prokofiev's Cinderella at her first-ever dance recital. As one of Cinderella's animal friends, her involvement was simply to bring a piece of clothing (in her case, a fluffy skirt) to Cinderella so she could assemble an outfit for the ball. I was so preoccupied watching the director's cues and helping the little grasshoppers and dragonflies on stage that I completely missed my opportunity to videotape! I was so disappointed, as I had hoped to capture a sweet memory to watch in future years. A fellow Mom told me I didn't miss much; the girls forgot their part and just flitted around aimlessly on stage. Oh well, hopefully better luck next time! At least I got some pictures and was able to get some pre-recital footage. Cinderella was meant to take place outside, but due to sweltering heat and an approaching storm, it was moved indoors to a crowded reception room. Packed seating, minimal walking space, sweaty ballerinas rushing to and fro, and no air movement made for somewhat miserable conditions to spend three long hours!

All that said, I'm so proud of my little dragonfly, even if she did forget her part. When Adele dances, my world stops so I can admire her blissful face as she sways dreamily to her music. It's such a precious thing to witness God's gift instilled in a child, long before the world has a chance to mar its innocence. My prayer is that her dance will always be to the music God puts in her heart. I think it must give our Father great joy to watch his children dance in abandoned worship as I know my daughter does, perhaps without even realizing it.

Shaving Cream

2009-06-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

It is quiet. My kids are asleep. About an hour ago, we arrived back from our church playgroup. The temperature outside was a stifling 95 degrees with a heat index of 110 degrees. The sun was blazing and relentless, but excitement was in the air. We experimented with shaving cream today, squirting it into big piles on the kitchen table, smearing it around with our hands and drawing designs with our fingers. Outside we smeared it on paper followed with sprinklings of blue powdered paint. The kids squirted colored water onto a hanging sheet, played on swings, and skidded around on a wet trampoline while water from a hose sprayed past. Abram, motivated by the heat, discovered how to suck juice from a straw. He downed two entire Capri Suns by himself! He laughed hard each time the hose sprayed him. Even with so many activities going on, Alayah could not wait until Adele got off the trampoline to play with her. In big groups, she refuses to do anything without her big sister. Somehow in the midst of the chaos involved in managing twenty-plus young children, we moms made time to gather for ten minutes to share a short devotional and pray for one another's needs. It was a refreshingly hot morning.